Personally, I feel that the one word that sums it all up about Baptism in the Spirit is SURRENDER. But the feeling inside me was: “This is going to tear me apart!”
Surrender! How could anyone even think that this is possible for an analytical mind such as mine! Cardinal Josef Ratzinger, Prefect of the Congregation of Faith, on the day of the canonisation of Josè Maria Escrivà, Founder of the Opus Dei Movement, defined holiness in these terms: “To be holy does not mean being superior to others; the saint can be very weak, with many mistakes in his life. Holiness is this profound contact with God, becoming a friend of God: it is letting the Other work, the Only One who can really make the world both good and happy.”
So, letting go and giving more and more space to Jesus! Fundamentally, I have always wanted to be holy! I want to be holy! I want to be a good priest!
I want to be a holy priest; yes, I want it! It’s not worth it otherwise. So it has to be like that.
Even if it was going to tear me asunder! Surrendering! But then, isn’t it supposed to be like that all our life?
What do we really mean when we say we are priests in persona Christi capitis?
What do we really mean when we say we are alter Christus as ordained priests? What was that “Here I am”, and the four-times “Yes, I will, I will, I will, I will with the help of God” we promised at our ordination?
What do we pray when we say the Our Father at Mass, at Lauds and Vespers: “Our Father, your Kingdom come, your will be done …” if not your kingship come, your action and workings in us?
After Baptism in the Spirit, I began surrendering to the Holy Spirit and Mass has become a heavenly experience. The peace! The joy! After Consecration, I can now kneel in adoration and pray earnestly: “My Lord and my God!” Surrendering, I began daring to pray with others. Now it’s not difficult anymore to stop and pray. I don’t ask “what shall I say? What is there to say?” I just pray … and it’s always beautiful, sometimes even in tongues!